Oh man…I have been waiting quite some time to write this post. We have a tremendous love/hate relationship with bridesmaids and groomsmen. Some are so fabulous, we becoming instantly envious of the bride and groom for their lifelong friendships with these amazing souls. And others…lets just say we aren’t paid enough for the incredibly rude and unruly buffoons that we have to deal with. And then the stories we hear! It is a rare occasion that we hear a bride swoon about all of the ladies. RARE. When we ask the couple if there are any issues we should be aware of, there is always that bridesmaid or groomsmen they are worried about. Either making a scene, unhappy with the dress choice, jealous its not their day…blah blah blah! Enough is enough!
Send this post to your friends and bridal party. Everyone NEEDS to know the rules and expectations of walking down that aisle and taking your side before they say “yes” to what they think is an easy road of selfies and all night parties.
By the way, this is just ONE of my all time favorite bridal parties!! We have had quite a few that we wish we had a matching dress and could join in on all the fun! Hannah Lane Photography
Rules of saying “Yes” to being a bridesmaids/groomsmen:
1. Do not accept if you cannot afford it.
Every single element of a wedding is expensive. You alone are responsible for the bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal shower (ladies), hair, make up, dress, place to stay if destination, gift, etc. The list is endless. If you accept, you have to realize that you will pay upwards of $500+ total. There is a fee to stand next to your bestie. And believe me when I say no one wants to hear that you can’t afford that gorgeous Jenny Yoo dress everyone else can’t live without.
My Tip: START SAVING. The second you say Yes, you had better start putting aside $50-100 a pay check so you are not freaking out last minute.
2. DO NOT get wasted on the day of the wedding.
Sure, you might be fighting with your significant other and the absolute last thing you want to do is be apart of a wedding where two people commit themselves for eternity. But this is no time to be selfish and get wasted. There is a fine line between getting tipsy, and getting kicked out! For some reason, more and more bridesmaids/groomsmen are choosing the ladder!
My Tip: Absolutely NO HARD LIQUOR. Just don’t do it. For ladies, a glass or two of champagne while you are getting ready is acceptable. Guys, a couple beers is fine. But no more than 2 while getting ready and don’t forget to drink water and EAT!
3. Save the drama for your mama
Do you really think any of the events for the wedding is the appropriate time to bring up any issues you have with the couple, your relationship, personal issues, problems at work…Let me break it down for you. ITS NOT! If you have a personal issue with the couple or any of their decisions, here is my tip: take them out to a happy hour, one on one, and explain in a calming environment whats going on. You have to be empathetic on what they are going through. Planning any event is stressful and its easy to overlook so many elements. Don’t get offended, just work on getting past it.
4. Be Honest
If you truly cant be a part of their day as a bridesmaid or groomsmen, then tell them!! Believe me when I tell you that is the number one thing I hear. “If they couldn’t be a part of the day, then why didn’t they tell me!My ” Half of that is the couples fault because they should know their peeps enough to realize they should not have as large of a responsibility. But if you suspect you could be asked, then my tip is take the initiative to let them know BEFORE they have your customized gift made. Tell them you would LOVE to be there any support them, but this is not the right time, either financially or personally to do that and you would love to be a guest! Everyone will thank you in the long run!
5. The wedding planner is not your personal slave
We are not your bartender, personal janitor or therapist. We have a very important job to do and it is not to look after every wish. We will give you advice, help take stains out of your dress, fix your hair and make up and give tips along the way so you aren’t stressed either (because that is very important!!). But please do not ask us to get you drinks, run your errands, or give personal messages to other guests that we couldn’t pick out in a line up. Every second we are doing something for you, we are taken away from the 50 other things we have to do for our clients. And most of the time, it is during the most crucial part of the day. Ceremony and reception introductions. My tip is to understand that we are super excited to share this awesome day with you as well. We love having a fun time with the bridal party. But don’t cross the line and keep all requests that have us leaving the couples side to an absolute minimum! You will get a smile and a “be right back.” Then you probably won’t see our face for the rest of the night! 😉
6. This one is for the bride and groom…pick your people WISELY!
You know your crew better than anyone else. If you don’t think they can do the job without drama or issues, then don’t ask them! BOTTOM LINE. My number one piece of advice is to not invite anyone to stand next to you out of obligation. I don’t care if they are you future brother/sister/cousin in law. I don’t care if you have known them since kindergarten. I don’t even care if they are your blood relative and your mom has vowed not to come if you don’t invite them (ok…maybe think about that one…haha). My Tip: You have the power to nip it in the bud at the beginning, or to deal with the nonsense every step of the way! If they are important enough to be included, but you don’t want to give them the title of a bridesmaid or groomsmen, consider having them give a speech at rehearsal or a reading at the ceremony. They are just as important, but not everyone can stand by your side. Also remember the rule of thumb is 1 groomsmen/bridesmaid for every 50 guests!
We love a good bridal party, and guess what, so does everyone else! Take this commitment SERIOUSLY. It is not just a pretty day to fill up your instagram feed. And if you are sweet and fabulous to the vendors around you, they will be sweet and fabulous to you!